I came here tonight and last night and the night before to write about carbs and smokers. The smokers have nothing to do with tobacco and the carbs aren’t found in what I eat.
I have been writing long enough to know I am not talented enough to write about carbs and smokers when something else occupies my thoughts.
I will share those thoughts.
This week is the halfway point between the 1st and 2nd anniversary of Sharyl’s death; it has been a little more emotional than I expected.
It seems like forever; it seems like yeterday. I love you Babe, I miss you everyday.
For a long time following January 22, 2012 the 22nd day of each month was difficult. I think just gradually and without fanfare that got better; thankfully the 22nd became just another day. Sure some days are better than others but the 22nd is no longer part of the equation.
I have managed to work through some issues and convince myself “life goes on”. I really am beginning to enjoy life again. Unfortunately the hurt also goes on, the frequency has decreased but at times it is still very severe, this week has been one of those times. Is it coincidence or is it because it has been a year and a half? It really doesn’t matter; it still hurts.
I am probably directly responsible for some of that hurt. I had ignored a big drawer full of x-rays, Pet scans, med schedules and some Dr. reports for too long. I emptied that drawer this week. I made a big mistake. I should not have read any of it. I should have just shredded it. I didn’t need to experience that again.
Sharyl and I bought a small RV in ’11 hoping she could enjoy getting out a little bit. We made one long run and a few local ones in it. It served its purpose. I haven’t wanted to use it since I have been alone, but I really haven’t pursued trying to sell it. Kind of like the drawer full of stuff in the previous paragraph; it was time. It is still mine, but it is now, sitting on a consignment lot in Moore, for sale.
When I pulled out of the drive I was flooded with the bittersweet memories of that very well planned and difficult trip to Alabama a couple years ago. We didn’t talk about it but I think we both knew it was the last long run we would make.
If I live another 30 years each January 22nd will always be a very private and emotional day. Maybe next July 22nd will be just another hot and dusty summer day or if we are lucky a cool and rainy summer day.
Thanks for listening, now that I got that off my chest I think I feel like talking about carbs and smokers; probably not tonight.
Please say a prayer for me.
Good Night and God Bless.