We have all heard or used the title phrase; maybe upon learning that your next-door neighbor is your second grade teacher’s grandson, or maybe when you realize your new boss is the same Joe Smith you had the disagreement with at the little league ballpark last summer.
The small world I have on my mind tonight has nothing to do with second grade teachers or ballpark rhubarbs. Although I have always enjoyed watching a good ballpark rhubarb and have even participated in a few. I am thinking of the world I live in or “my world.”
In my opinion the size of the world isn’t nearly as important as the amount of happiness and comfort found in that world.
Sharyl and I shared a relatively small but comfortable world for many years. We spent a lot of time with our family and at home together. We were comfortable and happy; we enjoyed doing what we wanted to do and doing it our way.
Her illness forced a drastic reduction in the size of that world. We were at home together almost constantly. I started to say 24/7 but I think that is one of those overused buzzwords. With a few exceptions we were only out of the house for medical reasons.
Frequent trips to Walgreen’s became a big part of my social life. If they had such a thing I think I would have been considered for customer of the year. I can’t say enough good things about the technicians and pharmacists. The techs were always friendly and compassionate, when the pharmacists heard my voice (I know it is easy to recognize) they would always look my way, smile and say hi and they were available 24/7 (yeah I know it’s overused).
I can’t say we were happy in that world, but with the support of family and friends, we were comfortable and did the best we could with the cards were dealt.
Sharyl made me promise not to become a hermit and to venture outside that little bitty world. I promised but I had my fingers crossed, after all a small world is OK if you are happy.
I have checked the definition and I haven’t become a hermit. My world is probably a little bigger than the years when Sharyl was sick but much smaller than our good years. As I said earlier, the size of the world isn’t as important as the amount of happiness and comfort found in that world. I guess by definition I am comfortable but I am not happy.
Even now I don’t like to admit it but I believe Sharyl was right, I wish I had a buck for every time I said “Sharyl was right” the last fifty years. I know I need to make some changes, or at least my mind knows that, the heart is still reluctant to jump on the bandwagon.
I am going to drag the heart along and see if I can crack the blinds maybe even kick the walls out a bit; you know make my world bigger and see if there is some happiness. I’m not sure I know how to do that. I am sure I need to do it my way and the changes will probably be of the subtle variety.
I don’t go to Walgreen’s very often now so I need to find other social activities and people to fill that void. I think I can do that. I have never been a real “people person”, not the life of the party but I can hold my own and find some pleasure in most social environments.
This one may be difficult and may take some time but I need to do a better job of remembering the past instead of dwelling on it. To do that I probably will need to adjust my writing style, more about now and less about then. That may be a problem because as you know I kind of like to write and there isn’t much “now” to write about. Maybe the urge to write will give me the incentive to go do something interesting.
I don’t know whom “they” consist of, but they say the first step in problem resolution is admitting there is a problem. I have done that and at least have a little bit of a game plan in mind. I’ll try to take that first step and see if it leads to a bigger and happier world.
So if you see an old man out and about looking kind of lost and confused and like he needs to talk to someone, approach with caution and help him by initiating some conversation. That old man just might be me.
Please keep me in your prayers.
Good Night and God Bless.