Gradual Change might be more appropriate for the title, but it isn’t often I get to use a word with a silent B; especially when that silent B isn’t preceded by an M. I know of two others.
Some words used to define subtle are: delicate, elusive and obscure, I think those are somewhat descriptive of the change I have experienced since I sat here about a year ago and used Plateaus as a title.
I talked about the sudden drop to a low emotional plateau and the slow and difficult climb back up that emotional ladder to a higher level. I closed that one with the following words:
I thought by now I would have progressed to still another level; maybe I’m just impatient. I don’t think this is as good as it gets, I fully believe higher plateaus are out there; I just wish I could find that next set of stairs. I’ll be okay,
I have taken a hard look in that proverbial mirror the past few weeks and I believe there has been subtle but significant progress.
Some examples of the little things: For a very long time I went to bed at night, not because I wanted to, because I knew I needed to rest. A lot of mornings I wanted to assume the fetal position and lay there indefinitely. I got out of bed because I knew I had to continue to put one foot in front of the other. I didn’t get up because I wanted to. I now go to bed because I am tired and want to get some sleep, I get up in the morning, excited is probably a little strong, I’ll go with interested to see what the day has in store.
A year ago I went to Luke’s (Luke is the good looking one in the middle) musical programs because I knew I needed to and I was supposed to. Sharyl and I went to a lot of them together; she enjoyed each one of them; I probably endured more of them than I enjoyed. I went to this one because I wanted to and I enjoyed it.
I went to the ballpark last week to watch my favorite lefthander, I went because I wanted to and yes I enjoyed it. Was it as fun as when WE went to watch THEM play? No, it probably will never be, but that is no longer an option. The important thing is I went I had fun and look forward to the next trip. For you baseball guys he looked good and threw 5 strong innings in an inter squad game.
I crossed the Red River to watch Braxton lift some weights. This kind of competition is new to me. I don’t know enough about it to be a vocal fan. I am sure Sharyl would have figured it out and been hoarse from cheering by the time we left. The important thing is I went because I wanted to and I enjoyed being there. He qualified for nationals.
I didn’t spend time with Rylie. I’m sure she was studying, isn’t that how all college freshmen spend their time. She will always be my favorite grand daughter.
To all of you, for listening when I wanted to talk, for talking on those rare occasions when I wanted to listen and for understanding when I wanted to do neither. THANK YOU!
I know there are more tough days ahead but tonight I feel comfortable closing this one with: I don’t know if higher plateaus lie ahead, I hope so, if not, I am comfortable and content for the first time in a very long time. I think I can change my frequently used “I will be OK” to “I am OK.”
Those other two silent B words are debt and doubt.
Keep me in your prayers.
Good Night and God Bless.